Thursday, 23 February 2012

Absolutely the best thing that's ever happened in the history of everything anywhere.......

........was taking baby Isla for her first swimming lesson today. I was definitely being a rather good, very hands on dad throughout. But before we recount this historic event, we need to back track to yesterday, when I was a bad dad. Oh yes, a very poor effort indeed.

Basically Tam had left me in charge of the little one for an hour. Giddy with responsibility, I took her to the local baby clinic where we had her weighed (she's an absolute chubber - she's about the same size as George Doors from Shooting Stars), and I had a surreal conversation with another mum about the difficulties in breast feeding (which is something I've REALLY struggled with if I'm honest). We then left the clinic, drove home, I changed Isla's nappy, and we chatted away merrily for ten minutes. All was very much under control. I was daddy daycare. It was splendid.

Such was the pink fluffiness of the moment that I decided to take her back into her nursery for some toys. This I did at a brisk walk, neglecting to notice as I carried her that the doorway (narrow) was somewhat smaller than Isla (not narrow). The resultant clunk of me using her head as a mallet on the door frame was not a popular move. It was even less popular when Tam came back, and I spent the rest of the day on the metaphorical naughty step, being glared at by the women in the house, one of whom was sporting a lump the size of a pea on the side of her newly formed bonce.

Redemption came in the form a swimming lesson today. I just can't tell you how much fun this was. This was particularly apt as everyone else present was either a) a baby, or b) a lady who had just had a baby. This made me feel slightly like a slightly seedy uncle with wandering hands and a lazy eye, but all was swiftly forgotten as the class commenced. The culmination was singing "The Wheels of the Bus Go Round and Round" whilst running in a circle with your baby and splashing a lot, which was THE BEST THING EVER. Isla looked faintly bewildered throughout, particularly when it came to the dunking under the water bit - a key part of the first lesson I hasten to add. Having dunked her, she came up looking absolutely livid. It was very much a "First you concuss me, then you hold me under water. What are you thinking man?" I subsequently found out she had poo'd herself during the session, but - let's face it - we've all poo'd in a swimming pool at some point haven't we? Haven't we?

Right, the shop. Got the keys today! Off in a moment to measure it up and get cracking. Have decided that the rowing boat counter is still a good idea, but now we're going to use the rest of the rowing boat as shelves. Genius. Essentially the shop layout at the  moment is a smashed up rowing boat - wonder what Mary Porter would make of it?

I'll post some pictures at the weekend.




  1. Next time your in charge, Cycle helmet for your Daughter!!
    Saves you been in the Dog house Again.
    Great that you now have your shop keys.
    Have fun

  2. Don't beat yourself up too much there Monty, being a parent is like all things in life, accidents do happen. It's fantastic that you are there with her doing the things you are doing, not enough is said about the importance of the role of a "daddy" in a childs life.

    Do as much as you can, whenever you can - she'll grow up loving you ten fold for every moment of effort you put in.

  3. Hi Mont and Tam, Ever thought about writing,"The Child-Raising Handbook" ?? There must be huge demand and it would help to fill your 'boat' shelves ! Love Dad

  4. Just don't go trying to tag her in the swimming pool.
    Didn't realise there are 4 of you now. Congratulations.
    Are you following us or are we following you?
    Us: Applecross - 1997; Connemara - 2007; Outer Hebrides - 2010; Lizard - most years; South Hams - in residence.
    Good luck in Dartmouth.
    Looking forward to Cadgwith shortly.

  5. Excellent! I'm an 'exiled' Cornishman living in South Northamptonshire and loved the first episode of 'Cadgwith'. I'm close to 60 and have the joy of a 2 year old - some say he'll keep me young ... I'm pretty sure he's going to kill me!

  6. This made me laugh so much. Good on you. I dont have kids, so I probably would be worse than you... Loving the new show btw.

  7. Like watching yr telly progs because of the scenery...congrats nice people dont want to butt in, but cant cope with breast feedin...shirt button comes to mind, wimp world put up with it...on yr wifes side on that one...coast is good too...

  8. Hi Mont,

    Yes. you pooed in the Trevose Head Golf Club swimming pool in 1967. I have been 'blackballed' from all golf clubs ever since.

    Kind Daddy